The Aristocrats
by krizzlybear
Summary: Tsunade is organizing the annual talent show, and the rookie Nine, team Gai and the sand siblings walk into her office for an audition. Rated M for extreme content. Based on the classic comedian's joke of the same name.


Author's Note - this story is based on the comedian's joke called _The Aristocrats_. If you don't know what _The Aristocrats_ is, http://en. is a link to the wiki entry which somewhat gives a satisfying description. But in short the joke is structured like this: 1) Family/Father walks into a talent agent's office and offers to show their act in an attempt to get signed. 2) The Family is described as doing extremely dirty and shocking things, usually of a sexual nature, often involving incest, torture, bestiality, rape, etc. 3.) at the end, the family finishes their "act" and goes "ta-da!" The Talent agent asks them what they call their act, and they respond with "The Aristocrats!" Not much of a punchline, but the comedy lies in how far the comedian is willing to go in terms of shock value. Check out Bob Saget's aristocrats joke on youtube as an example.

WARNING: This material may be extremely offensive to some readers. If you didn't bother reading the A/N, the wiki entry, or even watching an aristocrats joke told on the net, you probably won't appreciate the joke. And if you did read it, you should know better to not continue and read this story.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto or any intellectual property relating to the franchise.

---

**The Aristocrats**

So Tsunade is doing her daily paperwork as all Hokages do, and Sakura, Naruto, Sasuke, Ino, Choji, Shikamaru, Hinata, Shino, Kiba, Tenten, Neji, Rock Lee, and the sand siblings walk into her office. Naruto runs up to Tsunade's desk and says, "Oba-chan! For this year's talent competition I want to show an act that us shinobi have been working on, and we were wondering whether or not you'd like to put us in the show."

Tsunade is reluctant to let them make a huge ruckus in her office, but decides to accept their proposal. "Ok, show me what you got. You have 5 minutes. Go."

Sasuke Unzips his pants and starts to jack off in the direction of Sakura. Sakura begins to blush and get all hot and bothered, and decides to take off all her clothes except for her bra and panties. Kiba's dog, Akamaru starts to take a shit all over Sakura's clothes, all of this while Sakura begins to suck Sasuke off while fisting him in the ass.

Naruto jumps into the act, and makes about 15 shadow clones. The first clone fucks another clone in the ass, while another clone fucks the first clone from behind as well. The rest of the clones follow suit, with the real Naruto at the back. The clone at the front, while taking it from behind by the chain of assfucking shadow clones, is licking Sakura around the rim of her anus.

The Naruto at the back reaches climax, and ejaculates into the next Naruto, who also climaxes into the next, and so on. This chain reaction of Naruto ejaculations, which Naruto would subsequently call them narujaculations, cause all the clones to poof in midair, but without the cum.

So there's semen all over the floor due to the Naruto chain ejaculations. Akamaru is still shitting on Sakura's clothes, but this time he's covered in semen. Kiba starts to lick the semen off of Akamaru's fur, while Shino undoes Kiba's pants, and starts to lick his anus from behind, while reaching around to stroke Kiba's massively huge cock.

Shino gets really hot, and the bugs swarm out of his body all over his skin due to the high temperature. They start to have a massive bug orgy, in which the male bugs are all shoving their giant horns into the females' orifices. Quickly, they all ejaculate simultaneously all over Shino's skin, causing Shino to quickly be covered in a fine layer of bug semen.

Hinata starts to smear her breasts all over Shino's back, causing her breasts to be covered in bug semen. She turns to Naruto and blushes, saying "n-n-n-Naruto kun, I hope you like bug semen."

"BELIEVE IT!" Naruto yells, and he punches Hinata square in the nose, causing her to bleed all over. She's covered in blood and semen, and begins to mount onto Naruto, who's fisting Sakura in the ass, who's still sucking Sasuke, who is yet to ejaculate once during this ordeal.

Neji turns on his byakugan, allowing him to see all of the chakra holes of his cousin. He tries to find the biggest opening to poke with his gorilla-sized penis, and goes "fuck it, I can't tell." He starts poking her with a 64-hit penis combo, causing Hinata to spew chakra outwards from every part of her body, causing the bug semen, blood, and Naruto chain semen to spray onto Shino and Kiba, who ejaculate all over each other.

Rock Lee is like "OH GOD! I'M SO JEALOUS BECAUSE OF NEJI'S YOUTHFUL EXPLOSION" and he starts to open his gates. After opening the third gate, he releases a massive amount of energy to stick his entire arm through Tenten's vagina. Tenten's vaginal lips rip in half due lee's bulging forearm, causing her to bleed all over herself.

She takes out a scroll and summons a napkin to wipe her torn vagina lips, but Rock Lee says, "DON'T GIVE UP, MY FRIEND OF SPRINGTIME!!" and rams his arms further into the depths of Tenten, causing her pelvis to shatter, and forcing her digestive system to expunge shit from her ass all over rock lee's face.

Ino sees Tenten crying because of all the shit she shat, and does a mind transfer technique with Tenten, causing Ino go into Tenten's body and take rock lee's fist of 4 gates of power for her. From the loss of blood and shit, Tenten's person vomits onto the floor in front of Choji and Shikamaru. Choji sees the blood, shit, vomit and semen on the floor and begins to eat it.

Shikamaru says "idiot! Don't eat the blood shit vomit and semen yet!" so he does a shadow bind technique on Choji, causing him to stop eating the shit. Shikamaru begins to jerk himself off, and due to the shadow bind technique, Choji in effect jerks himself off as well. Shikamaru ejaculates all over the lifeless body of Ino, who just used mind transfer technique on Tenten. Due to shadow bind, Choji also ejaculates, but instead on top of Kankuro, who's using his own puppet to fist himself in the ass while being penetrated by his puppet's (literally) hard wood in the mouth.

Temari shoves her fan up Gaara's ass, causing Gaara to use his sand to form a dildo, and rams it into Temari's uterus. Temari climaxes first, and her vaginal juices to soak the sand-dildo, and it dissolves completely inside her vagina. Gaara puts his hand covering Temari's mouth and nose, and punches her in the gut. The sudden pressure causes Temari to do a giant vaginal fart, spraying the sand soaked vaginal juice all over the floor. Akamaru shits on the sand and vaginal juice, and smears it all over Gaara, who's still punching Temari.

Temari stops the vaginal farting by straddling on top of Choji's mouth, while Choji is fucking Tenten in the mouth with Ino inside, mimicking Shikamaru, who's shoving his dick into Ino's mouth. Shino's bugs are swarming all over Ino's body, spraying bug semen all over Shikamaru, who flinches and releases his shadow bind. Choji falls over, knocking down Kankuro's puppet onto Kiba and Shino, who are in the 69 position.

Shino and Kiba vomit all over each other's mouths, while Hinata licks it off as she takes it in the ass by not one, but two of Naruto's demon tails. Naruto ejaculates all over the weakened rock lee, exhausted from all the gate opening. Lee, half-unconscious on the floor under Sakura's legs, only has the strength to finger Sakura in the ass while she still sucks on Sasuke. Sasuke FINALLY ejaculates all over Sakura's face while saying "ta-da!"

Tsunade, who was masturbating the entire time, cleans herself up, and goes "SUGOI!! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU CALL THAT?"

Naruto wipes the cum stains from his mouth and says, "We're the Aristocrats, dattebayo!"


End file.
